So this is what it feels like to be paralyzed.
I have dreams, goals, desires, and needs to be met and yet nothing is moving towards what I want. In fact nothing is moving at all, that is the problem. I have become so worried about making decisions...making the wrong decisions....I am not making any at all.
I know all of these people that are getting married and settling down and it looks so easy and practical. They have a path, they have direction, and most importantly they have someone there by their side whenever the road gets tough.
I have created a world for myself where I walk alone. I feel that if I let myself get close to someone again I will inevitably be right back to where I was a few years ago.....molding my life around another person.
So what do I do? All of the decisions we make are only based on where we are at during that point in time. Beliefs...desires....outlooks on the world are as constant as the breeze. The decisions I make for myself today are eventually going to impact me far into the future....effect a person that I have yet to become. How do you make decisions for someone you don't even know...a person that does not even exist?
I have made decisions in the past that I do regret. I know they say everything in life leads you to where you are supposed to be but I refuse to beleive that certain people are meant to be homeless or abused or dead at a young age. All of these things happen because of decisions. A decision to drop out of school, a decision to forgive and forget, a decision to race a friend to school.
People make wrong decisions. They make them all the time. Life is so precarious...one false step could mean the difference between life long happiness and eternal regret.
Fortunately the one thing I can say for sure is that the idleness of complacentcy is a sure path away from happiness. A decision is overdue - no more time left for doubt.
