not all those who wander are lost.....

Life is too easy.

This thought crossed my mind as I biked home in the early morning darkness. The sun had not risen yet and the thrill I felt from having to navigate blindly lasted only until I realized if I became aware enough that I could sense where the trees started and the path ended. I have been biking back and forth from my uncle's house for a few weeks now and the challenge it once gave me has become paltry.

I want to take a big leap of faith but I am afraid I will make too many people in my life mad at me. In two weeks I am going to bike from Sandusky to Columbus and that alone has brought my family up in arms against me. I know they are just worried - but it is frustrating to always have people telling you what you cannot do.

So about my leap.

I live in Ohio. Always have. I have people I love here. I have a good life.

I want more.

I want to travel. Not to sightsee, even though there are many things I am dying to see. I want to make each place I travel to my home. I want to save up money - sell everything I have - and leave the states to see what else is out there. I want to go to a place where life is not as easy. I want to feel hungry and then the extreme satisfaction of earning a nice meal. I want to see what makes us all the same and what other people know that I don't. I want the freedom to leave when I am restless and to linger where I desire.

I know none of this is practical and I know all of the arguments against it.

• traveling alone is unsafe - I might be mugged/beaten/killed
• I could get malaria, typhoid, yellow fever etc.
• I should be saving for retirement
• I just spent most of my life in school (you don't need a Master to pick mangos)
• I will be leaving people that care about me

But what about the possibilities?

• I will meet people I never would get the chance to in Columbus
• I will see things that should be seen in person not in books
• I will find out exactly what I am capable of
• I will live my life without regrets
• I will be brave (because even the idea of doing this scares the crap out of me)
• I will have memories that are worth far more than what I would save for retirement
• I will wake every morning knowing a challenge will greet me

I have only told 2 people about my plan until this point. Even writing about it here is scary. I know people from my family will read this (you cannot tell grandma - I don't want her to have a heart attack) and soon the mass number of "you can't do that's" are going to come my way. I really hope that I can stick to my guns. I always want to make people happy but this is something that I really want to do for me. Most likely I will fail miserably and will head back in a few months after I realize that I don't have it in me to be brave every day. But let me fail.

I beleive in destiny. I open my life to possibilities by putting myself out there to meet people that might influence me or being in places that I normally would not go because something draws me there and that small diversion might make all the difference in my life. I can pinpoint the moment that I was destined to spend 5 years with my ex to a single trip to a gas station. The little choices make all of the difference.

I recently met someone who is a lot like me - passionate about life but afraid to take that leap of faith. He has the potential to do amazing things but he has chosen to live the life that society has dictated to him. Caught in the machine because he can't see his way around it. Cursing the world for stifling his dreams instead of commanding his own destiny. It seemed so disheartening to me but then I realized I was given a chance to see myself from another person's eyes. I love what I do but I do it because it is acceptable and still pleasing to me. I stay here because I feel obligations to those I love. I chose not to live MY life and rather live the life that others want for me.

My aunt and uncle just returned from their bike trip down the Pacific coast and they brought me a simple gift that was more important to me than they could know. A collection of stories written by women who have traveled the world on their own - just 3 days after I had told my friend that I wanted to do just that. I'm not sure what they would think of me traveling on my own but I know that they have that same spirit of adventure and on some level they would at least understand my desires.

Maybe I am a fool, but I would rather be a fool that followed my heart than a coward that lived someone else's life.