moving out and moving on....

I remember how much I dreaded moving into that dark, dungeon like apartment. It was worse than a bachelor pad, it was a dump. The shower didn't drain, the closet doors were broken, the blinds were trashed. I tried to do everything I could to make it like a home. I bought silly shag rugs and I sewed pillows and potted plants. Now my poor plants are dead. The rugs have become drying racks for sweaty ultimate clothes and the pillows are now randomly thrown around the place.

I don't think I will miss the crappy furniture or the clogged up shower, but I will miss the feeling I had when I first moved in. That feeling of optimism and happiness thinking you are taking the next step with someone that you really love. Coming home to someone that you know really cares how your day was and having the confort of knowing that if it was a bad day that person knows just how to make you feel better.

I know that everything happens for a reason and that I am better off now than I was 6 months ago but it is hard sometimes not to want to go and cuddle up in my old bed and have someone kiss me goodnight and tell me how much they love me. It is even harder knowing that you are losing that one person you can always depend on to be there for you, that knows you better than anyone else and that loves you no matter how stupid you act or how bad you look.




Yet even now, with tears in my eyes, I would not change a thing. I have traveled to places I would have never gone on my own. I have had so many amazing memories and have learned so much that I gladly take these tears and sadness. They remind me that I had something that is worth missing. That in the past five years I have been loved, I have been challanged, and most importantly I have loved.

~ TM ~